I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize