Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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