she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
