omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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