I skipped work to stalk him.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
