I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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