mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
