how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
She bit a glass in half.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
