I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
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