3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
