It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
i think i just lost a toe
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
