I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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