So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
