I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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