I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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