You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
