i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
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