can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
