Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
