he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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