I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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