Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
