he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
