Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize