Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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