You really coming over, don't trick.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize