Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
All the doctor said was why
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
