woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
