you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
