You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
