i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
