i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
3pm strippers are depressing
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
