I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
