at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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