the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
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