She just used a chaser for red wine.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
