We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Randomize