Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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