so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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