So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just made out with a guy for $7.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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