Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
