He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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