he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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