Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
the gays at disneyland are vicious
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
