dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
that's an acceptable place to lick
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
