So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
