oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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