My sheets look like a crime scene.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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