i don't like sucking hair
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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