i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
