best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Is it because I queefed?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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