Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
