Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
