We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize