Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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