porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
