My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
When are your genitals available?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize
