I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
