Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
