Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
