She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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