the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
