I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
either way he was missing a nipple.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
