Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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